Lost
by Celestinasong
Summary: When Ritsuka gets hurt Soubi tries to stay at his side, but is unable to cope with the situation.
1. Chapter 1

Lost

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless

Author's Note: This is my first loveless fanfic.... Hope you enjoy. It's just for fun so don't take it too seriously.

In the morning Soubi spoke to Ritsuka, calling him just before school, so when he found out that Ritsuka was hurt he was not prepared since he had just spoken to him on the phone. Yuiko called Soubi in hysterics, and he could hardly understand her words. They rushed to the hospital together, and seeing Ritsuka there was a terrible ordeal for him, and Yuiko. They were shocked to see his face in bandages. He had been hit by a car and the injuries had left him unconscious for days. It seemed as though nobody had even visited since he had enterred the hospital, not even his parents. Soubi had the boy's features memorized, each soft line was etched into his brain permanently, and he wanted to see it unconvered again.

Yuiko stayed as long as she could, but eventually her mother came to pick her up and she sobbingly said goodbye to him. Alone in the room, Soubi could allow himself to get choked up as well, but firmly told himself to stop it. Ritsuka was strong, and he didn't have to worry so much. His heart beat was steady, and he was breathing, so it seemed that soon Ritsuka was going to survive. But if that was the case, then why was he still unconscious? Soubi didn't like it, and he could only sit there staring uselessly at Ritsuka's pale face and wounded body.

That night when visiting hours were through Soubi went home alone, and sat in his bedroom in the dark chain-smoking. He was completely drained of all energy, having been so wrapped up in Ritsuka's condition he hadn't even eaten dinner. He couldn't sleep and when the phone rang he automatically picked it up, without really thinking. He had expected Kio to be on the other end when he answered and was unpleasantly shocked when he was not.

"Hello?" Soubi said.

"Good evening Soubi-kun, you sound terrible," Ritsu-sensei said in that smooth tone of his. It made Soubi's skin crawl, and he jumped at the unpleasant surprise.

Soubi took a breath but remained silent for a moment, trying to get his bearings.

"Don't hang up, I wanted to speak with you," Ritsu-sensei said sternly. "Can you meet me tomorrow?"

"No," Soubi said.

"I see. I thought you might be interested to know about the news I had about a certain someone, but if not then I will leave you alone. It's in regards to Ritsuka as well," Ritsu was being very vague, and Soubi couldn't help but suspect him.

"Meet where?" Soubi asked wanting to end the conversation quickly so he could go back to moping by himself.

"I'll give you the address of a restaurant, just write it down," Ritsu said, then he rattled off a location that wasn't too far away.

"Fine," Soubi said, irritably.

"Are you alright?" Ritsu said, suddenly out of nowhere.

"Why?"

"No reason, you sound terrible. Get some sleep," Ritsu said. His tone was cold as ever, but Soubi was caught off-guard by it anyway.

"Bye," Soubi said.

* * *

The second time he visited Ritsuka in the hospital was by himself. He rushed there after his one class, and managed to fall asleep holding Ritsuka's hand gently. It was early in the day but he was so relieved to get some rest, that he slept until someone came into the room and woke him up. He sat up and found that Yuiko had snuck into the room to also watch over Ritsuka.

"Is he alright?" she asked with a frown.

"I think so," Soubi said, rubbing his eyes slowly. His hair was slightly ruffled and he pushed it back into a ponytail.

"I brought him something," Yuki said pointing to a small trinket on the table next to his bed. It was a small trinket, a charm for good health in the shape of a crane.

"I'm sure he will like it when he wakes up," Soubi said. He was trying to comfort her but he was not as certain about Ritsuka waking up as he wanted to sound.

"I hope so," Yuiko said sadly. "Mama said if we make a thousand cranes he will get better."

"Hmm, perhaps." Soubi said staring down at Ritsuka's delicate wrist. It was so tiny next to his own and he wondered if cranes would really do any good.

"I'm going to buy the origami paper tonight, after I go. Do you want me to bring it next time?" Yuiko asked.

"That would be nice," Soubi said, taking in Yukio's solemn expression that must have been a mirror of his own.

"He'll be fine Yuiko-chan, don't worry," Soubi got up, and grabbed his jacket off of the chair.

"Soubi-san?"

"I have to meet somebody, I will see you again tomorrow. Good night," Soubi strolled out on uneven legs. He was suddenly starving, and put his hand in his pocket to dig for the piece of paper inside.

Chap 1 End.


	2. Chapter 2

Lost Chapter 2

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless.

Author's note: I'm sick! Wahhhh.

Soubi was shivering from cold and hunger as he stepped off of the train, and made his way to the address. It had been a long time since he had seen his teacher, and he felt a strange numbness where his usual anger sat. There was nothing he had to say to the man, not even regarding his mother or their past arguments. He just saw Ritsuka's face behind his eyes, as he lay unconscious in a sterile white room, not knowing if he would ever get speak to him again. The street was easy to find and he stopped at the right number, only to find himself at a hotel.

He hesitated for a few minutes not quite sure if he really could deal with this. Then he shrugged, totally unable to make any sort of decision, without Ritsuka there was nobody, not Seimei and certainly not his parents. This was the only other person that he had left in the world. Even Kio his only friend seemed to be distant to him, not answering his phone.

The inside of the building was lit with low lit blue lamps that left an eerie aura in a mostly empty entryway. Soubi was off balance and found himself standing over Ritsu-sensei's table, staring down at him. There was already food chosen for him and steaming slightly, and a glass of wine prepared. Soubi slipped into the seat and reached for the wine first, gulping it down in one shot.

Ritsu didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows as he began to eat. Soubi had already drank three glasses by the time he finished eating and didn't respond to his teacher's comments on his poor manners and spilling the wine on the white table cloth. The man ended up guiding him to a room, supporting Soubi's clumbsy steps and letting him fall onto the king sized bed in the center of the room.

"You booked this room?" Soubi asked into the pillow.

"Yes." Ritsu said without shame.

"You shouldn't have done that," Soubi replied.

"Why not?" Ritsu sat beside Soubi, his hair falling around his face.

When Soubi didn't respond he leaned down to kiss Soubi gently on the forehead. The tension between the was so strong that Soubi had to look away. Honestly he didn't know if he hated or loved this man. All he knew was that he couldn't handle things alone right now, even if it meant going against his better judgement.

"Ritsuka is in the hospital," Soubi explained, trying to justify his actions somehow.

"Ah," Ritsu seemed to consider this seriously for a moment, frowning a little in the shadowy room.

Ritsu kissed him suddenly, using his strength to hold Soubi down even though he didn't fight it at all. Suddenly he was crying through the kisses, and his hot tears mingled with their saliva making it wetter. Ritsu continued on as though he didn't notice and pushed Soubi to his limit, making love to him as though they had never parted. It was strange to sense a comfort between them even though he had always feared Ritsu to a certain extent.

"You are mine, Soubi. Even if you have another master now, you were mine first, and always will be," Ritsu said leaning over him. They were both sweating and Soubi couldn't deny the truth of that statement.

"Shutup," Soubi hissed through his teeth, but allowed Ritsu to kiss him.

Soubi lay there cold and awake afterwards, while Ritsu slept beside him. He was still unable to get any rest, despite having drunk so much and having sex on top of it. All he got was a hang over and a sore body. It was nearly 5 am but he couldn't sleep, and the first train didn't leave until 6 at the earliest. He sat up and a hand shot out to grab his arm.

"Ouch," Soubi said, trying to pull away.

"Where are you going?" Ritsu said sleepily.

"Bathroom," Soubi said, disentangling himself.

In the shower he blasted the heat all the way, and scalded his skin. He didn't like to think that he needed Ritsu anymore, but now he realized that he did. Soubi scrubbed his body trying to clean the dirty feeling off of himself. There were small bottles of shampoo and a little soap so he used them to clean up. He then sat on the toilet wrapped in a towel, trying to collect himself. He had class that day, but really just wanted to go back to the hospital.

* * *

By the time he got to the hospital two hours later, he was surprised by what he found.

"You're awake," Soubi said his heart racing. He hugged Ritsuka without thinking.

"Soubi, it hurts," Ritsuka said weakly.

Ritsuka was so small in his arms, and Soubi loved the feel of his warm skin and the look in his dark eyes. He was the most beautiful vision Soubi had ever seen. Slowly, reluctantly, Soubi loosened his grip and sat beside him on the bed.

"Ritsuka, are you feeling alright?" Soubi asked. He couldn't hide his relief from Ritsuka, and didn't bother trying.

"Yes, I'm fine. Did my mother come?" Ritsuka asked solemnly. His face held that hope even though he seemed worried.

"I don't know," Soubi said honestly. He doubted she had come though.

"Ok," Ritsuka said.

"Do you remember what happened?" Soubi asked.

"Yes, there was a cat. I tried to save it from the car but I ended up getting hit instead. I should have thought before running out in the street," Ritsuka sighed. He looked drained already.

"You better get some rest," Soubi tucked him in gently. "I'll come back later to see you."

"Soubi," Ritsuka stopped him. "Can you stay a little longer?"

"Of course," Soubi agreed, sitting in the chair by the hospital bed. He made himself comfortable and watched while Ritsuka fell asleep. He was finally able to relax now. He hoped nothing like this ever happened again, since it would probably kill him.

End Chap 2.


	3. Chapter 3

Lost Chapter Three

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless.

Author's Note: I'm sick but getting better.

It was fascinating to Soubi how someone could be so sensual and not even be aware of it. Ritsuka was like that, and he always moved carefully so as not to hurt someone else. He had a commanding presence on top of that, and didn't let Soubi get out of line. That was the best part about Ritsuka, even though Soubi would never tell him that. When he was at school Soubi felt the distance between them no matter what he was doing, and often Kio interrupted this unhappy thought with his friendly banter. It made Soubi laugh when Kio tried to find out what he was thinking, as well as managing to flirt at the same time.

Ritsuka texted him that he had a lot of homework that evening, so he wouldn't have time to hang out. Soubi read between the lines and decided to go and visit him at home. The night was warm and Soubi didn't even need his jacket. He climbed up to the terrace outside of Ritsuka's room, using the same tree that Seimei used to sneak out on. It was a sturdy one with old thick branches. Ritsuka was bent over his desk, his back to Soubi, with his hair pulled back in a funny pony tail. He chuckled, and pushed the doors open. They weren't locked.

Ritsuka jumped out of his seat, and his pencil rolled onto the floor.

"Soubi? I told you that I had homework," Ritsuka said crossly.

"But you didn't order me not to visit, Ritsuka," Soubi smiled. When Ritsuka began to turn red in frustration, Soubi laughed and approached him.

"I have a test tomorrow! I have to read this," Ritsuka glanced back at his books, frowning. The bandage around his head was getting loose already.

"I'm leaving then," Soubi said gently, pulling Ritsuka into him carefully. The boy was too thin, and didn't eat enough healthy food. It was troublesome, and Soubi pulled out the bag he had brought with him and offered it to Ritsuka

"What's this?" Ritsuka's tail was twitching back and forth. He was irritated and Soubi was amused but trying not to show it and make him more angry.

"It's a snack for you, to get better with," Soubi said, pulling out some fresh fruit and handing it to Ritsuka.

"An apple?" Ritsuka said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Ritsuka." Soubi said, swiftling planting a small kiss on Ritsuka's lips, before he could protest.

There was nothing else to do but leave, but Soubi glanced back to see Ritsuka's reaction once more. He was looking quite perplexed with his ears halfway down, staring at the red fruit in his hand. With a smile Soubi slipped out and climbed down again.

* * *

Even though Soubi was worried about Ritsuka's physical state since he was released from the hospital he tried to give Ritsuka some space. He felt as if he had betrayed Ritsuka somehow by relying on his teacher for support. It was a very confusing feeling and it made his chest ache. It was guilt, he realized, but he couldn't do anything about it. Soubi went to school as usual, but he was very distracted. When he got to his first class Kio took one look at him and went into mother hen mode.

"I'm fine, Kio. Really," Soubi was holding his friend's should in one hand and leaning away from his peering eyes.

"You look like hell, Soubi. What happened?" Kio asked.

"I ran into somebody I knew. It's ancient history, don't worry about it Kio," Soubi tried to brush him aside, and dodged him to grab his art supplies for class.

"Really? Cause your face says you are tangled up in something distasteful. Does it have to do with Ritsuka?" Kio asked, hovering behind Soubi eagerly. A slight frown marred Kio's face.

"No, Kio. Please just leave it," Soubi brush his hair back irritably. It was getting too long now, and he felt like he was going to get it in his watercolors.

"Really?" Kio said, studying Soubi carefully. "If you say so."

"I say so," Soubi said, smiling slightly. He didn't mind having somebody to worry about him sometimes.

"Ok, but if you need me to help comfort you, I'm there!" Kio laughed, but underneath his eyes his expression was concerned.

That night, Soubi was alone in his apartment trying not to think. However the thoughts of his parents began creeping into his brain, slipping into his subconscious because he was in a bad mood. They were very good people from what he could remember, which wasn't much at all. His mother would hold him and rock back and forth and his father was always laughing and speaking kindly. He only had a few prescious years with them before they died. He had pictures but the memory of them was fading, and becoming more blurred. When they died he met Ritsu.

Life wasn't the same since that time, and he felt like he was always struggling uselessly but as always he was too weak. Soubi was able to forget sometimes, mostly when he painted, but sometimes he was happy too. That usually happened when Ritsuka was there, speaking to him with his adorable voice. Soubi could always think of Ritsuka and fall in love all over again. He was not a romantic at heart, but if there was someone for him he would definitely choose that boy. If Ritsu was domineering and fearful, Ritsuka was easy going and fair in his decisions, and tried to do the right thing as best he could even when it hurt Ritsuka to do so.

The phone began to vibrate slightly, on and on with the volume turned down. He picked it up and looked at it. It was Ritsu, so he ignored it.

End of Chapter three.


	4. Chapter 4

Lost Chapter Four

by Chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: I have tried to write my own original stories, and it was really hard. I think practicing through fanfics is a good way to work on it. And it's fun.

Before Ritsuka came into his life Soubi had almost given up. Now he had somebody to fight for, and a real reason to keep going. Soubi knew that Ritsuka was not afraid of confronting fighters, even though he was new to it. When it came down to it Soubi didn't want Ritsuka to fight, he was worried that it was too much for him. He wanted to protect Ritsuka, and it seemed that it was getting harder to do so. It was pure cooincidence that he met Ritsuka's teacher in the park, and he made his own decision to help her. The woman still had her ears, and it made him angry that she was even out that late. If not for Ritsuka he would have abandoned her there.

The fighters were strong but he was smarter, and the two young boys lost against him. Youji and Natsuo were formidable opponents in every way, but nothing to Seimei. They liked to shock and destroy their opponents, which had an uncanny effect. Soubi couldn't feel proud of winning, and he was left with a deep sense of loneliness. It was a pitiful beginning to his relationship with his new sacrifice.

After that it was natural that he was just a little irritable the next day at school. Even with those two children in his home, he was having trouble getting himself together. Kio was shooting him looks all day, and at the end he pulled Soubi aside to talk to him.

"Do you want to get a drink together?" Kio asked smiling invitingly.

"I suppose," Soubi said, sighing heavily.

"Well don't get too excited about it!"

"I'm sorry Kio, it's been a long day, I guess." Soubi tried to look happy for his friend. "Where do you want to go?"

"There's a little place by the train station I wanted to show you, it's got the best food!" said Kio.

"You always eat and eat but you never gain a pound," Soubi told him.

"My stomach doesn't get full but my wallet gets empty fast," Kio complained, rubbing his stomach and trying to keep a sad expression on his face.

"Alright, I can treat you to some ramen if you want," Soubi said.

"Yes!" Kio was on a roll, and chattered away while they walked. Just watching him managed to distract Soubi and made him feel some relief from his stress.

* * *

In the end they picked up some girls who looked just a little bit young, and Kio managed to get their phone numbers. He was always picking up people, and making new friends. Soubi was more of a womanizer, and liked to leave them wanting more. It was only natural that they wanted his number, but he held back this time because he was distracted. They were cute, but not as adorable as Ritsuka and eventually he got bored with them. They left finally and Soubi convinced Kio that it was time to get home since it was already past one in the morning.

On the train back the windows began to get streaked with rain, and the temperature dropped. He got off and realized he was very drunk, because he had gotten off on the wrong stop. It was definitely far enough that he couldn't walk the rest of the way. At that moment, he was considering his options, and his phone rang. He picked it up without checking who it was.

"Soubi?" A deep voice said.

"What?"

"I didn't think you would answer so I was going to leave a message." Ritsu said, he sounded pleased though.

"Well I did," Soubi said with a soft laugh.

"Are you drunk?" Ritsu asked.

"No. I'm tipsy. I am going to get drunk soon though," Soubi slipped the bottle from his pocket and took a drink.

"You're acting like an idiot. Where are you?" Ritsu was getting annoyed with him but Soubi was too drunk to care.

"I don't know," Soubi glanced around. He read the sign aloud though he didn't recognize it. "I think I'll sleep here, don't worry about me."

He hung up the phone and stretched out on the bench there. The rain was hitting his face and he looked up into the sky, watching the clouds that were cluttered around the moon.

He didn't know how long he lay there, and didn't realize that he was slowly becoming drenched in rain. His body was getting chilled but in his intoxication he was so comfortably numb that he ignored it. Then he heard a car pull up, and footsteps approached him. The rain that was hitting him was blocked by something and he looked up into the shadow of a black umbrella.

"Is this how you were raised to behave? Your parents should be ashamed," Ritsu snapped at him.

"I guess you should be ashamed since you raised me," Soubi mumbled, halfheartedly.

"I am," Ritsu conceded, then grabbed his arm in an iron grip.

"Ow, ok I'm up." Soubi stood and felt the world begin to shift on its axis. He promptly fell over and landed on his hands and knees on the hard cement. Then he threw up.

"Good. Now that it's out of your system, get in the car," Ritsu pushed him into the back seat onto a large towel.

Soubi couldn't even speak he was so dizzy and weak. All he wanted was to sleep, but the cold water running down his back was becoming steadily more uncomfortable. They got to Ritsu's apartment, a small place that he rarely visited. Soubi had been there a few times but he mostly avoided Ritsu so going there would be useless. Now he found it quite convenient.

Ritsu seemed completely out of his depth, and for once Soubi could see that Ritsu might worry about him. He was complaining about Soubi but his face was pale and strained. He bullied Soubi into the bathroom and helped him strip. Ritsu turned on the shower and made Soubi sit there while Ritsu warmed up his skin.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Ritsu asked.

Soubi stared at him, his eyes slightly unfocused. He had intended to say no, but now he just sighed and leaned back onto Ritsu. The man had taken off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet, and was trying to lather the soap on Soubi's back, but he let Soubi rest on him. Soubi shut his eyes and started to drift off.

"Don't fall asleep," Ritsu ordered.

"I'm not," Soubi said irritably. Why couldn't he just sleep when he wanted to?

"Do you think Ritsuka is good enough for you?" probed Ritsu. "You don't seem well. What happened to your hand?"

"Ah, that? I fell," Soubi said lamely, completely ignoring the question about Ritsuka. Ritsu would never understand how much he cared for Ritsuka.

"Let me clean it," Ritsu helped Soubi rinse off, and dry himself. Soubi didn't want a bath right now since he'd definitely fall asleep, so he sat on the bed and allowed Ritsu to take care of his hand.

"You're careless, this is going to get infected," Ritsu admonished.

"Sorry," Soubi said, trying to get Ritsu to be quiet. He just wanted to sleep and he lay back uninvited on the Ritsu's bed.

"You wrapped it well enough, I suppose you've had enough practice because of _him,"_ Ritsu said. He knew better than to talk about Seimei and Soubi's eyes snapped open.

"I'm going home," Soubi said, struggling to stand up. Ritsu grabbed a hold of both of Soubi's hands and pushed him back down. With gentle coaxing he pushed Soubi back down onto the bed. Soubi pulled his head back stubbornly but Ritsu forced it back.

"Mmm!" Soubi tried to talk but he couldn't speak around Ritsu's wandering tongue.

Then Ritsu was gone and pulling at Soubi's robe, and moving down between Soubi's legs. Ritsu was very skilled and it was too good to refuse. He had Soubi squirming with pleasure in moments.

"Ah! No, stop..." Soubi was trying to push him away, but he could only weakly pat his head.

"Be quiet, it's your favorite," Ritsu said slyly.

Soubi finally gave in, with the help of the alcohol and pleasure. He had given in to Ritsu countless times, and now would be no different. He only wished that he didn't have to face him in the morning.

End of Chapter Four


	5. Chapter 5

Lost Chapter 5

Author's Comments: It's weird that I wrote this story and then later my friend got hit by a car… She's ok, but her leg was broken. I don't know if it's connected but rereading it I'm like woah. It was really eerie. It really scared me too. Well thank God that's over and done with, and everythings fine! She's even out of her cast! Ok now on to the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless. But I wish I owned Seimei!

* * *

He didn't wake up early the next morning, but he had acquired a hang over sometime during the night. Soubi groaned, and turned over. It was soft and warm, and besides his headache he was quite comfortable. Then he noticed that he had turned into someone else, and was currently resting his head on their lap. Soubi peeked up, and grimaced at the man reading above him.

"Good morning," Ritsu said, his eyes locked on Soubi's face.

"Mn," Soubi decided to move over and try to go back to sleep. The problem was his heart wouldn't stop racing with the heavy weight of eyes on his back.

For a long time he lay there, suspended in a mixture of anxiety and disgust. He could smell Ritsu all over him, lingering on his skin like a bad memory. More than anything he was completely horrified at himself for running back to Ritsu. He had survived without him before but the sudden meeting with him had allowed Ritsu to use his vulnerability against him and pounce like a hungry cat after a mouse. Luckily, Soubi was ready to shake this depression that had been hounding him. All he needed was some time and he could become stronger.

Without meaning to he fell back to sleep, and some time later he woke up in the empty room alone. He cursed and checked his clock, the first class of the day was already over and he had his second one is 20 minutes. He'd never make it. He reflected distantly that Ritsu had gone before him, and that it was strange that the man would willingly go just like that. It seemed very out of character for him.

After dressing, Soubi lit a match, holding the flame close enough to smell it, and started a cigarette. He felt the nicotine pulsing through his veins and he sighed in content. Somehow he was still feeling a little out of it, and yet he knew that there was nothing wrong with him. His hair was a mess, and he combed through it with his fingers, feeling the long strands that were beginning to feel more frayed at the edges. They reflected his nerves, and he shoved the hair behind his shoulders as he quietly shut the door to the room he'd spent the night in. He didn't have a key so he just left, safely assuming that Ritsu had covered the bill. He always did when it came to Soubi, no matter how he complained about it.

He made his way toward Ritsuka's school, though he meant to go to his own his body automatically brought him to the elementary school instead. The small flowers planted by the school's gardening club were carefully watered and the red petals seemed to smile up. He wanted to see Ritsuka, and even knew what window was the boy's class. There were seven windows there, and the students head's peaked over the bricks just enough that he could find the small black ears that he recognized immediately. Ritsuka.

The boy's ears were perched back, like he was thinking about something stressful and couldn't stop himself. The other students were listening attentively, but the twin sets of ears he was interested in seemed distracted and continued to twitch. They were so cute, even from that distance. Soubi reached into the pocket of his coat, hoping to find another smoke, but instead found a piece of paper. It was folded with a careful and tedious neatness, and he froze there with the note in his hand. Mechanically he pulled it out, and opened the paper. It wasn't a note at all but a sign, something Ritsu had brought from the school to force Soubi to go back to that place. The sheet of paper crinkled in the windy air, but he held onto it carefully. If he wanted to he could throw it away and keep it from Ritsuka so they wouldn't have to go through the inconvenience. The time wasn't right to go anyway. He crinkled up the paper and put it into his pocket, already forgetting all about it.

It was a long time before Ritsuka came out and by then Soubi had already gotten three calls from Kio, which he ignored. He didn't care what he had missed, just that he had to see Ritsuka's face before he did anything else. The urgent desire to see him made him feel slightly weak. The reason he needed Ritsuka so much was as much out of his own feelings of desire as it was out of his feeling of uselessness. How could he live the way he had before? He didn't know. If he lost Ritsuka he would surely fall apart again. For that reason he had to protect Ritsuka no matter what.

"Soubi-san!" Yuiko said happily, smiling at him. She was cheerful as always when Ritsuka was around. Soubi glanced past her and saw Ritsuka, who followed more sedately, staring at Soubi with a mixture of distrust and happiness.

"Hello," he said, grinning.

It was so unlike Seimei, and yet he did see the resemblance. Again and again he would compare them, and again dismiss the similarities because their personalities were so different. Seimei had the firey power of the sun, and Ritsuka was like the tidal moon. Although he was not always bright and happy he would bounce back and in some ways he was stronger than Seimei. Someone who knew pain and understood it as deeply as Ritsuka couldn't not be strong.

"What's this?" Ritsuka said, and stooped to grab something from the ground. He stood up again and Soubi realized with irritation that the sign he'd put in his pocket had fallen out and now Ritsuka read it with a furrowed brow. "Soubi?" His voice was sharp, and Soubi felt a charge go through him at the sound.

"Yes?" He half shrugged, knowing what was coming.

"What is this... tournament?"

"It's from the school. It's not important." He said simply. Ritsuka was getting his back up and there was nothing to be done.

"I want to know what this is," Ritsuka was rereading the sign which stated that there would be a competition at the school among the fighter units to win a prize.

"It's a game," he said. He refused to say more than that, and Ritsuka seemed satisfied for the moment.

They walked Yuiko home, and she waved goodbye to them enthusiastically, and ran up the stairs to her apartment.

"What do you have to do?" Ritsuka asked. He turned to Soubi with a stubborn set to his chin.

"Do?"

"For the competition. What is the prize? I want to know what this is Soubi. Who gave this to you? And don't lie..." Ritsuka was asking him for answers again, but this time he wasn't forbidden to speak. It was just against Soubi's better judgement, but he had no choice.

"The prize is a request from the school. You get one request, which is all you would ever need from them. It's very hard to win and the competition is harsh. We can't win Ritsuka," Soubi said with a finality that made Ritsuka blink up at him.

"Why not? What do you mean a request? What kind of request?" But Ritsuka already had his ears perked straight forward. He was thinking about what happened to Seimei, and asking them to tell him all about it. It would be undeniable now but Soubi would have to convince him that this was impossible.

"It's dangerous, people have died," Soubi said eagerly kneeling down to speak at Ritsuka's eye level and reason with him. "I don't want you to get involved with them. You aren't trained."

He could tell that Ritsuka was already imagining it, talking to the ones who knew about his brother. His eyes were becoming more convinced as Soubi tried to convince him that it was not a good idea.

"I want to think about it," Ritsuka said stubbornly. He took the paper as he walked away, reading it eagerly the whole time. Soubi frowned at his back, not certain what to do next. This was all Ritsu's fault.

End of part 5


	6. Chapter 6

Lost Chapter 5

by chezaswulf

Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless.

Author's Comments: I have read updated chapters of the Loveless manga at a website called mangafox online. You don't have to pay and you don't have to download it!!! SO lucky. And oh so sexy.

In his sleep Soubi could see the past like it was happening again, and he remembered all the pain Seimei created again and again. There was something so simple about Seimei that he wondered if anybody else could see it. Seimei loved life to such an extent that he was hungry for everything, and he would not stop at anything to get what he wanted. He was beautiful in that way. The day he cut his name into Soubi's flesh, he stared at Soubi like he was something precious.

"I love you," Seimei said, licking blood from a huge knife. He said it only once, but that was all it took for Soubi to fall into the trap, like a fly in a web. It was disgusting to be lured like that and then get stuck. If Ritsu hadn't abandoned him than he would never have been so vulnerable, empty.

The middle of the night woke Soubi suddenly, and he sat up, shirtless but not cold at all. Seimei was like a natural disaster in Soubi's life, something that could not be stopped or avoided, as much as he might have wanted to in the past. He was miserable with or without Seimei. Soubi got up and left the house, and felt the cold like it was far away.

He got to Seimei's house, now Ritsuka lived there. Without hesitation he climbed up to Ritsuka's balcony and opened the door. The smell of Ritsuka reminded him faintly of Seimei, but just a little bit sweeter. Ritsuka was so cute, tucked into his bed, with only his head peaking out from under the thick comforter. Soubi touched his head, hesitantly, stroking his hair as though he was trying to pet him. Instead he was seeking the comfort he knew he needed. It was pathetic. He turned to leave, but a tiny hand caught his wrist.

"Stay."

Soubi couldn't refuse a direct order, so he stopped and turned back to peer down into the shadowy face that blinked up at him groggily. The invitation was clear, and Soubi took off his shoes and climbed into the bed, careful not to disturb Ritsuka. The bed was warm and soft, but Soubi was too comfortable and tried not to think about how cute Ritsuka was. Instead he became worried, tense.

"What's wrong?" Ritsuka tugged on Soubi's hair gently with two fingers.

"I love you," Soubi said, kissing Ritsuka's small mouth. He pushed his tongue past Ritsuka's teeth exploring too eagerly, moving a little too fast for Ritsuka to keep up.

"Ah! Stop it," Ritsuka was pushing him away. His small arms tangled with Soubi's, and they felt feeble in their protests. "Why can't you tell me what's wrong?"

Ritsuka got enough space between them to glare at Soubi with a baleful look. His large eyes were worried, but tired.

"You're not ready for a contest like you are," Soubi snuggled into Ritsuka's tiny shoulder, getting more comfortable.

He didn't want to let anything happen to this boy. Seimei's brother, the only one who really wanted Soubi with him, yet didn't really understand what to do with him as a true Sacrifice. Soubi took advantage of Ritsuka's inexperienced naivety. There was so much potential, yet Soubi wanted to keep it for himself. He wanted Ritsuka to be his forever. He doubted it was possible, but for now it was enough just to sleep next to him and kiss him as much as he wanted.

"What if I got better? I could practice... right? At that school." Ritsuka wasn't really asking. He knew the answer, but he didn't think Soubi would explain what he wanted and need to know.

"The only way to win is to hit everyone fast, and use your instincts to find their weakness and expose it. Everyone knows this. You are too kind to your opponents. That's why Seimei is the best. He doesn't hesitate or worry about it." Soubi hated to compare the two, because Seimei was dangerous.

"I want to learn how to win, but I won't kill. It's not right. Seimei didn't kill did he?" Ritsuka fidgeted, his feet curled up automatically in defense.

"Don't worry," Soubi stopped, there was really nothing else he could say.

"Good night Soubi," Ritsuka turned away, and sighed. His brother would always seem so far away, and yet he knew that somehow everything would work out in the end.

Soubi watched Ritsuka snuggle into his pillow, and relax into sleep. His small shoulder was right against his, and it made his skin tingle to watch it. That such a boy could be so warm, made Soubi want to hold onto him forever. He didn't sleep at all, completely absorbed in thought, until he was able to doze lightly at the break of dawn. Just before Ritsuka woke, he forced himself to go. The father would be leaving soon too, and he had to make an escape unnoticed. He gave Ritsuka a goodbye kiss, and snuck out the door.

That night he found out that the competition was going to be more deadly than he ever imagined. Seimei was joining against them.

End of Chapter 6


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